Today I got angry. Really angry. I was (am?) angry at people and circumstances, and they way some people treat each other and the way that affects me. And I was really, really mad and frustrated. It bothered me so much that I started to consider some of the reasons why I might be angry. God says, commands, "Be angry and do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26) and so I wondered whether or not I was sinning in my anger. There certainly is a righteous and commanded type of anger, but often times I know that I, and others, carry around a sinful anger. Emotions don't just hit you like wave and you must just brace yourself until they recede; they come out of who you are. So my question to myself then is, what does this anger say about me? Am I angry at a person because I have expectations of them that really only can be met by God? In that case, my anger at its root is an anger at God, and becomes a feeling of which I need to repent. My frustration then would point to my lack of trust in God's sovereign plan and in his sufficiency to meet ALL of my needs, and any lack of trust or faith on my part (in other words, lying about who he is by not trusting him) is a sin. I believe that if this were the case, then my anger is a sin and something I need to take to God humbly and repent. God isn't just a venting ear, either, which is what I fear many of us take him to be at one time or another.
Another question I might ask myself in my anger is, am I angry because I feel wronged and I want compensation for the wrong? This is where I think many of us fall, because we know we have been wronged, it's clear, and so we feel justified in our anger. True, anger at the sin may be fine, but our need to be justified often clouds up our focus so much that we do one or both of a couple things: first, we may take our own revenge against the wrongdoer, forming our own clever punishiments, whether through our relationship or some other means, or second, we may become so discouraged by our hurt that we quit trusting people and withdraw from relationship altogether. Both responses, I think, are wrong and sinful, and both once again show a lack of trust in God. Yes, people hurt us and harm us wrongfully, but God is keeping tabs- that's not our job and in the end he will deal out the strokes, if not in this life. Taking our own action, displays lack of trust in his effectiveness and will. People hurt us because all people, even you and me, operate out of hearts that completely sinful but by the grace of God and his Holy Spirit working in us. Withdrawing from relationship to protect oneself is not the answer either, because once again it shows a lack of trust in God's love and in his ability to fulfill our needs despite attacks or rejection from other people. Look at the cross- there Christ performed the ultimate act of love toward a people who hated him. And Christ calls us to take up our crosses and follow him to that death for sinful people who will hurt and possibly kill us.
So I guess this is just a really good reminder to me to always be taking my emotions and responses to God and asking him to help me sort them out, and see if there is yet room for his refining fire to help me trust him more. And I know the answer already- I always need his help to trust him more. And I have to remember that his ways, though sometimes hidden, are perfect and his judgments are just. Who am I to even think that I know better?
"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" - Psalm 139:23-24
